Lit Mag Short Fiction

An Ode to the Oppressed

Dear Robbers, 
I write this letter with my humble intention to relieve and rejoice robbers throughout the nation. For decades, society has marginalized and criticized thieves for simply acting upon their natural human instincts. It is time that we reclaim our identities and end this injustice. If you are part of the radical group that ill-intentionally denounces the work of robbers, I modestly propose that you hear my ideas to truly understand the psyche of robbers. 
For one thing, it is simply irrational to blame robbers for acting on their reflexes. It is human nature to desire and not everybody has the ability to control themselves. As young adults, we are always taught to act on our ambition and achieve our goals. How can we teach children to work for what they want, but tell adults that they should control themselves? Thieves are passionate, zealous, and determined people who are courageous enough to take what they want, despite the potential consequences. We need more robbers in this world: people who are dedicated and don’t take no for an answer. I want to commend robbers acting on their instincts and continuing to do so regardless of society’s criticism. 
Furthermore, it is evident that people with luxurious mansions and affluent shops are just doing it for attention. There is no logical reason for people to design their houses in an excessively ornamental manner. The main purpose of incorporating pools, decorations, and window dressing is to get attention. When owners decorate in a provocative manner, they lose their belongings and their dignity. Now, I’m not insinuating that people who embellish their property are bad people; I’m just saying that they should be ready for the consequences of their actions. By purposefully arranging their property in an attractive and desirable manner, they are deciding to put themselves at risk. Thieves are not truly hurting anybody if they are stealing from people who practically signed up for it. 
Although homeowners and shopkeepers are constantly complaining about robberies, it is quite easy for them to take precautions in order to prevent robberies. For example, they can paint their property a dull color, avoid festive decorations, and keep the design relatively simple. In fact, it is significantly easier and cheaper to maintain unattractive property, so I can’t understand why anybody would want to make their property appear elaborate and magnificent unless they want to be robbed. If property owners simply took the time to make their houses appear modest and unpretentious, thieves would never be tempted to steal from them. 
Robbers aren’t mind readers! It is unreasonable to expect robbers to know whether or not they should steal from an alluring and tempting estate. Society always acts as though consent is clear, but trust me, owners are always giving off mixed signals. If property owners are always giving hints, it appears that they want to be robbed. It is irrational for society to think that we can read minds and accurately conclude whether owners want to be robbed. 
Some of the greatest idols throughout the nation have stolen in the past. Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and Ke$ha have previously been caught shoplifting items worth thousands of dollars. If such prevalent and inspirational role models have stolen in the past, the average citizens should never feel guilty about robbery. It is important that we, as an advanced and compassionate society, stop demonizing thieves and consoling pretentious and ostentatious owners who have been victims of robbery. After all, they were basically… asking for it. 
A Fellow Robber

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