My dog lays in the bathtub because
It reminds him of the lake
He lays in the bathtub because
Cold tile feels like
Cold water
And cold water is the lake we grew up in
In August he would not lay in the bathtub because
We had the lake
And he did not need to remember
He needed to feel
In September I am a sorry mother
And my baby asks for cold water
I can only offer cold tile
So he returns to the bathtub
A sweet compulsion
It is August again and my dog cannot lay in the bathtub because
He can no longer climb in
His hair is gray
His paws are sore
He has lost his balance
When he can no longer lay in the bathtub
I know we have little time left together
I knew it when I let him out the back door last night and
Watched him fall over
Hoping cold tile would catch him
Not cold water
But crossing the sandbar is an uncontrollable fate of the lake
When he can no longer lay in the bathtub
I sneak him a bite of my Oreo
I give him the tomato from my lunch
I sit while he listens to the cry of seagulls
The nevermore of a Raven
I could sit here forever
It is not the bathtub
But I’m with you
Today I pray to a god I do not believe in
I beg him for more time
He does not answer
Life is cruel
Time heals
The cold water is angry that day
An unfamiliar chill
Seldom found in the middle of August
Cold water is like warm fur
I take refuge in the warmth
When our bridge is broken
My refuge
Becomes a prison
Relying on an impossible permanence
Where a breath doesn’t turn still
Emotion occupies similarly
A refuge and a prison
September I will be angry
October I will feel betrayed
November my heart will ache
But it is still August
And I am knee deep in cold water
Knee deep in cold water where you become a never ending
Infinite
Cycle
So that every time a wave washes up
Your pawprints touch the sand
We put you in the lake because
Your favorite memories are made here
Are
Existent. Immediate. Current.
A dead body is not a dead soul.
Today I lay in the bathtub
Like epsom salts heal grief
I scrub the grief out of my nails
My hair
I rub my skin raw
Lonely and slowly finding peace of mind
Today I lay in the bathtub because
It reminds me of the lake
It reminds me of you