Romantic Love … Feeling or Choice? #3

Jasmine Mathai, Blogger

I asked someone if they had a life question they wanted to know the answer to, I got two questions from him, but I decided to focus on this one, partially because I liked it better than the other one, but also because I was curious as per how he was going to explain this. I guess I was right, he had made an interesting case for both, so I’m choosing to include both.

Please, bear in mind that I did ask 65 people what they thought love was, the overwhelming majority had said it was a feeling, but the ones that thought it was a choice I was a little surprised by, but that just made this piece all the more interesting.

Starting with the argument for feeling, you can’t help having feelings of attraction for certain people (while I disagree with that phrasing, let’s continue), you can’t help thinking about love interests in times of depression and happiness, but also when love becomes a need, it’s hard to think that you could choose something else.

While the second statement confuses me a decent amount, I only formally agree with the third statement, yes, when love becomes the primary focus and in his words a “need’, it can be pretty hard to see anything else, let alone choose something else.

However, the first statement doesn’t make sense with the specific wording, because while it’s hard for people to help themselves from feeling, feelings of attraction to certain people, that isn’t love, unless you’re acting upon them and it’s reciprocated. Love is the intense feeling of deep affection not attraction. Nonetheless, it was an argument made by someone else, I can’t say that it’s wrong, I can just simply say that I would disagree.

Now, the argument for choice. People choose who they would like to go out with, even though they might be attracted and form crushes for others. In a relationship, people choose to say “I love you” when they feel ready, which makes sense. Lastly, eventually, when the relationship has gone far enough, you choose where it will go next, whether that be breaking it off, marriage etc.

While these arguments make sense, I don’t see how they affect the “feeling” of love, what you feel, the emotions and adrenaline that goes through your body when you see this particular person that makes you “feel” this certain way. Maybe I’m the one missing the point of what this person was trying to get at, or maybe he didn’t entirely see where I was coming from with this conversation, but either way, to each their own opinions about love, especially when it’s your life.

However, there’s got to be a place where they meet in the middle. This person does touch upon this, with the remark, the initial process of attraction or falling in love, is an uncontrollable feeling, however, true love is agreed upon, it’s a contract and a sacrifice, something one chooses to commit themselves to.

While this might be the only thing we can agree upon, I don’t think that he’s wrong, I think this makes sense, so the consensus, it’s both a feeling and a choice, do so wisely!